


Broken Statue

by Srarticuno



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Everyone Needs Therapy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, depressing and somewhat suicidal thoughts, major spoilers for Blue Lions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srarticuno/pseuds/Srarticuno
Summary: The flame emperor's attack rattled Garreg Mach to its core, so deeply that it was as if the goddess herself died when her statue crumbled. Dimitri stands rigid like the statue had once years ago, but crumbles every waking moment. As his knight, Ashe is sworn to save his king, but fairy-tales are nothing like reality. A hero's journey into a broken soul is far more treacherous than any man can imagine.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Broken Statue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Going Through the Motions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22379605) by [Nebbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebbles/pseuds/Nebbles). 



Old folktales say that when the azure moon rises, it turns lions into beasts, and never sets until the beasts are killed. Ashe once loved stories about heroes slaying monsters beneath a full, blue moon in a single night, but somehow, those stories seem unappealing to him now. No, perhaps that isn’t the truth... They feel too _real._ They feel like omens that foretold of the last long, five years, like an azure moon has yet to set as it hovers high above their king.

Dimitri... Ashe had been so heartbroken when rumors broke that he’d died. With neither Lenato nor the person he’d grown closest to at the academy, Ashe felt so hopelessly lost. He threw himself into his training as a knight, praying that he might be able to achieve _something,_ that _some_ part of his life might hold meaning, but his spirit had been broken. Cornelia was nowhere near the person Dimitri was. She was far from the sort of person Ashe dreamed he would protect.

As ever, his professor found a way to surprise him, and everything changed in an instant. It felt almost as if the millennium festival had been a rite to revive the professor and the long lost king. For the next few weeks, Ashe awoke every day in shock. Living at the academy again, with everyone he so dearly missed? Could this even be possible? Surely, there must be consequences for drinking the nectar of paradise.

Such consequences quickly made themselves apparent. Though the professor hadn’t changed a bit, Dimitri certainly had. Ashe once admired the unshakable desire for justice in Dimitri’s eye, determination beyond what most would dare to strive for. Now, that desire has been warped and twisted by bloodlust. He no longer fights to kill those who committed sin, but to cut down all he sees before him, evil or not. That is the furthest thing from justice that Ashe can imagine. It’s so hard to believe that they once shared the same vision.

Despite that, Ashe knows that a knight always fights for what’s right, no matter how dangerous or frightening. Dimitri is both, and with plenty to spare, but to balk at that would be cowardly. To honor the boy he once knew, Ashe resolves to fight for his king. If it ends in his death, he will die knowing that it wasn’t his inaction that drove Fódlan to ruin.

At first, his fight seems like little more than a pipe dream. Dimitri completely ignores him off the battlefield. Hearing him talk about “using everyone until the flesh falls from their bones” is off-putting, and that’s being generous. Still, every day, Ashe follows him to the cathedral, partially to offer his own prayers. That’s the excuse he uses if he gets caught, anyway.

Ashe wishes he _would_ get caught. He wishes Dimitri would look at him and ask him what he’s doing, so that he can strike up a conversation and put his silver tongue to use. Yet, even the professor can’t get a word out of him. Every day, he stands there, staring into the shattered pieces of the broken statue of the goddess. The knight is left to wonder what churns in that head of his when he looks into the stone. Is this, too, a form of prayer?

Day in and day out, Dimitri stands there, as if he were part of the cathedral itself. He stays so still and so silent that disgusting rumors have spread about his bathroom habits. Ashe chases them away as best he can, requesting the others respect his privacy, but it starts to nag at him after a while. Just what is Dimitri doing? Can they be sure that he’s taking care of himself when he seems to disregard his own health in its entirety?

Every time Ashe gets concerned that Dimitri isn’t eating enough, the king of Faerghus makes a surprise visit to the mess hall. He sits as far from the others as possible, ordering meat when the meal of the day displeases him. The way he eats is horrific, like a beast on the hunt, wielding utensils like weapons and tearing meat off the bone with inhuman snarls. Anyone bold enough to approach him during one of his rampage-like meals is met with a wild glare that seems to imply Dimitri is considering eating _them,_ too.

And just like that, he’s gone. Back to the cathedral, like a snake slithering back into his den. Ashe has never seen Dimitri do anything else in his time at Garreg Mach. It’s as if nothing has purpose unless it’s related to war and bloodshed. Would Dimitri only move if there were an attack on the cathedral?

Crazy as it sounds, Ashe considers it. He considers some grand scheme to fake an attack just to make Dimitri say something. Maybe the professor could help? Yet, when he thinks of all the ways it could go wrong, he ultimately decides against it. Considering the amount of innocents Dimitri has murdered, anyone involved in the fake attack would be at great risk.

Innocents... Ashe shudders. He cared about Dimitri in the first place for his love of the people of Faerghus. To think he could so easily claim their lives, even in madness! What sort of horrible demon has possessed their king? It _must_ be a demon, the way he rambles about the voices of the dead. Dimitri would never do something like this, not the Dimitri he knows. Maybe he would have torn through Adrestians a bit liberally, but never his own people!

Though, there’s a sick part of Ashe that doesn’t blame him after all, not when taking into account how the kingdom has treated him. When Ashe really thinks about it, Dimitri didn’t start acting this way until after his imprisonment, and demonization by his own people. Dimitri lost so much fighting for them... Family, friends, even his own sanity. All for the people he made these terrible sacrifices for to shun him in the end. When put in his place, maybe Ashe would lash out, too. He wants to say he’d always walk a path of justice, but Dimitri was pushed farther than any human should have to endure. If anyone endured the same, could they ever do better? No, perhaps they’d do even worse.

So, Ashe stews in his inner turmoil every day, sitting in the pews while he watches his king. Despite so much loss, so many years spent apart, there’s still all that and more drawing them together, isn’t there? This war has forever changed them both, even before it began. The only family they had, gone at the hands of schemers and traitors... Ashe isn’t entirely sure what the empire is and isn’t responsible for, but he knows that whoever used Lenato as a pawn is someone he can never forgive. If Dimitri is certain that the empire was involved at the tragedy of Duscur, Ashe won’t hesitate to help mete out justice to the enemy.

He just wishes Dimitri would _talk_ to him. If only Dimitri would say more than a feral grunt and ruthless orders on the battlefield! Ashe wishes so deeply to understand Dimitri’s feelings, and help him through it. He knows this pain so well, the betrayal, the loss... the loneliness most of all. If Dimitri would speak to him, neither of them would have to be alone.

Yet, despite trying again and again, Ashe is met with nothing but resistance. He stops Dimitri on his way to the cathedral, cooks meal after meal the way that he remembers Dimitri complimenting him for years before, stands nearby him with hands folded and head bowed to show his solidarity... None of it earns him anything more than grunts and icy glares, just as before. Ashe hates to admit how many nights he spends crying when he gives up, the stress of war and the pain of rejection all building to a breaking point. Failure after failure makes him begin to believe Dimitri’s battlefield words. _You’re nothing more than a tool for my revenge._

Ashe knows he’s pushing himself too far, but he also knows there’s no point in preserving his sanity. Maybe Dimitri feels that way, too? He can guess, but he’ll probably never know. Instead, he pushes harder, doing more and more for his king, working himself until the flesh falls from his bone, the way Dimitri commands it. He sits and stands and cooks and prays, all for Dimitri. There’s no point in saving himself. Sacrificing his life for his king is the most noble deed a knight can commit.

As the months drag on, Ashe and Dimitri are locked into a weary ritual of walking to the cathedral together without a single word. No one questions it anymore, instead silently bowing out of their way as they both walk the quickest path from the gates to their spot in front of the statue’s remains. It seems more organized than it truly is; Dimitri has simply begun to tolerate Ashe at his side. Ashe follows him when he makes trips to the dining hall, cooks for him, sits across the table from him and wordlessly pushes the food towards him. Dimitri tries to instill fear in Ashe’s heart, but Ashe has learned to give the same cold stare to him in return. Ashe will _not_ back down, not from this. Not when he’s finally making progress, not when the two of them have begun standing in the cathedral late into the night until one of them passes out.

Sometimes, Ashe gets lucky and Dimitri falls to the ground first. He doesn’t dare move Dimitri, because he knows what sleeping soldiers are capable of. Instead, he makes a long journey to find a spare pillow, and gently tucks it under his king’s head with the skilled hands of a thief. He’s vaguely aware that he should be jumping for joy, and so very relieved that he was able to do something to ease Dimitri’s woes, even a little bit. But the stress and exhaustion leaves him feeling nothing but emptiness. A job well done is nothing more than a task completed to him, now.

The next morning, when Ashe returns to the cathedral to join Dimitri, he finds him in his usual spot, but this time, the area around him is covered in feathers. Apparently, Dimitri didn’t appreciate his help very much. All the more reason for Ashe not to get excited. This was just one more failed attempt after the last. Disappointed, but hardly surprised, Ashe kneels at the pew he’s all but worn a groove into and prays.

“Stop that,” a deep, gruff voice demands, and Ashe almost doesn’t realize it’s meant for him. When he looks up, Dimitri is staring back, gaze as cold as ever. “I don’t need your help,” he spits.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ashe lies, and he bows his head once more to beg the goddess to forgive what he’s just done.

“Don’t try to fool me with such transparent words,” Dimitri snaps. “You’ve been patronizing me this entire time. I demand that you stop, _now_.”

“I’m not patronizing you,” Ashe replies, and this time, it’s true. “If you’re not going to take care of yourself, then I will. Consider it my own selfish deeds.”

Dimitri pauses as his face curls into a deep, angry snarl. “How... _dare_ you,” he hisses. “You call _this_ selfish?! Then, where were you when I was going to be hanged?! Or through anything else that I suffered, for that matter! How dare you act like you know how I feel at all!”

“I don’t,” Ashe admits bluntly. He’s glad that his stance of prayer seems more cool and nonchalant than the fear he truly feels. “I wasn’t there when you needed me, and I know that. It’ll haunt me forever. But, rather than spend my time punishing myself, I want to spend it making things right.”

Oddly enough, a bit of surprise flashes across Dimitri’s face for a moment. Though, it isn’t long before hatred returns. “If you knew that there were wrongs to be made right, how come it took you this long to care?! Felix is the _only_ one who noticed what was happening to me, and he treated me like an animal far before I ever became a monster! You could have stood up to him then. How _dare_ you pretend you stand at my side now!”

That one gives Ashe pause. Felix... It never really occurred to him how much the words of their former classmate must have hurt Dimitri. At least, not any deeper than the surface level that Felix’s words usually hit. Dimitri is right, Felix really _did_ know that this would happen. He might have been able to stop all of this from happening to begin with. Sympathy wells up deep within Ashe, and it causes his voice to grow soft. “I should have,” he admits. “I’m so, so sorry that I never did. I... I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, too.”

Dimitri goes silent, as if deciding Ashe’s fate. At least, the look in his eye makes it seem that way. The two stay locked in a tense stare, until Dimitri finally breaks it with a disgusted huff as he turns to walk back to the rubble. Ashe isn’t sure what Dimitri decided, but at least he was allowed to live. Another victory on his path to atonement, another joyous occasion that leaves him feeling empty.

And after all that sacrifice, all that hardship, after fighting and crying and trying so, so hard to give Dimitri even a little bit of healing, Ashe feels almost cheated when his professor is credited with bringing Dimitri back to the light. He can’t help but dwell on this ugly feeling, this jealousy and anger at having worked so, so hard, only for all of his efforts to be completely discarded. Evil thoughts whisper alternate realities to him. Maybe Dimitri would have noticed his efforts if Ashe had killed Rodrigue himself.

It hurts. All of it is far too much to bear, to the point where Ashe begins to wonder if this is what Dimitri felt like when he was betrayed. His instincts bring him back to the cathedral after Rodrigue’s death, and the knife twists deeper in his heart when he finds it empty. Dimitri is better now, and it’s no thanks to Ashe. Everything he did was pointless.

Ashe is so overwhelmed that he doesn’t know what to do, where to go. All of it reminds him of Dimitri. He goes to his room, and he sees a young Dimitri in the back of his mind, asking if Ashe was all right the night after Lenato was killed. He stands at the lake and sees Dimitri smiling as he watches everyone compete in the fishing tournament. The greenhouse, the halls... There is no inch of Garreg Mach that isn’t haunted by an image of Dimitri.

Night falls, and Ashe gives up. He tried going back to the cathedral, but that place is the most painful of all. When the pain boils over, Ashe’s feet carry him out the nearest door, and he falls to his knees, sobbing. Maybe he just needs to cry about it and be done with it. Dimitri is safe, and that’s all that matters. Is it really so important that Ashe be acknowledged for it? Really, he just needs to get over himself. He needs to stop being so pathetic and move on, for everyone’s sake. That’s the only way that things will get better.

“...Ashe?”

Oh, Goddess, it finally happened. Ashe is hearing Dimitri’s voice, just the way that Dimitri once heard the voices of the people he lost. Whatever demon was exorcised from the king has taken Ashe as its next target. Ashe’s crying becomes worse, tears hotter as they curve over his cheeks and drip onto the ground. He’s finally lost it. He’s finally taken Dimitri’s suffering completely onto himself.

“Ashe, are you all right?” He would have taken this as another hallucination, had a dark boot not stepped into his vision. Ice cold fear grips Ashe’s heart as he looks up to see his visitor’s face, and confirms his suspicions. Dimitri stands above him, brow creased in worry as he stares right back.

“Y-Your Highness!” Ashe chokes as he stumbles back, falling onto his rear. He hates being seen crying. Tears aren’t a luxury a knight can afford. “I’m... I’m fine! I...”

“If you’re going to feed me some lie about how you tripped and hurt yourself, I’ve seen you take swords with barely a wince,” Dimitri replies. He leans over and offers a hand. “Please, let me help you.”

“I’m... I-It’s all right, I can do it myself,” Ashe insists. Ignoring the offering, he pushes off the ground and dusts himself off. “I’m sorry, this isn’t like me at all... I...”

“It’s all right,” Dimitri interjects. “You don’t have to explain anything. But... If it were at all possible, I’d like to do what I can to help.”

Ashe shakes his head. “N-No, no, that’s fine,” he replies. “I’m all right... Just a little shaken, that’s all.”

“I’ve never seen you cry like that before,” Dimitri admits, his gaze stern and unwavering.

Ashe can only look Dimitri in the eye for a moment before looking away. “I... guess the stress got to me,” he mutters. “These past few months have been the hardest months of my life.”

Dimitri gives a hum in agreement. “Since the day I learned the flame emperor’s identity, everything has been... Well, simply put, it’s been one horror after the next. I doubt I need to remind you of my sins...” He finally breaks his gaze, staring at the drying pools of Ashe’s tears on the ground. “If it’s any comfort, I don’t think you’re weak for feeling enough pain to want to cry.”

Somehow, that’s insult added to injury for Ashe. That _Dimitri_ can say that, after all this time! He looks back at his king, expression mixed with pain and anger. “Are you... mocking me?!” Ashe’s hands curl into fists. “One loss, one surprise attack, one conversation with the professor, and that’s all it takes for you to go from demanding I work myself to death to comforting me when I’m crying?!”

Dimitri winces. “I... understand how it must feel for you,” he whispers, voice full of regret. “But I was convinced I was little more than a walking corpse only a day ago. That attack... It reminded me that I’m not the only person left alive. I still... I have yet to cope with Rodrigue’s loss, but... I think it was the attack from that girl that truly changed my perspective.”

Ashe wants to scream. He wants to yell about all that he’s done, all he’s given up for Dimitri to be happy. Part of him wants justice. He wants it so badly, wants Dimitri to feel all the pain stirring ugliness in every corner of his heart. He... He wants...

His hand itches for his dagger, and it’s then when he truly knows how Dimitri feels.

“If any of your tears were shed because of my actions,” Dimitri continues, “I want you to know that I’m truly sorry, Ashe. Most of these last months have been a haze... I don’t fully remember every sin I’ve committed. But, I do remember that I committed a great many sins against you, in particular. For that, please, allow me to apologize from the bottom of my heart.”

Sins... against Ashe? Goddess, is he ever glad that he didn’t scratch that itch he felt moments ago. A bit of guilt creeps into him as Ashe’s posture relaxes. “I... Y-You don’t have to,” he protests softly.

“I will anyway,” Dimitri insists. “You have my deepest apologies, as well as my thanks. What little I remember of before... Most of it was about you.”

“...Me?” Ashe blinks in shock, and he can feel the last of his tears making his eyelashes heavy. “Your Highness...”

“That again?” Dimitri sighs. “Fine. If you’re going to be so stubborn, I’ll write a royal decree that allows you to _only_ refer to me by name.”

“Ah... Y-You don’t have to!” Ashe waves his hands in surrender. “I... I’ll try. ...Dimitri.”

Hearing his name makes a warm smile spread across Dimitri’s face, and it causes a flutter in Ashe’s stomach. He hasn’t smiled like that in so long... And he’s grown so handsome. Not that he wasn’t handsome before, but...

“I had a feeling it might have been something I’d done to hurt you when I found you collapsed here,” Dimitri admits. “There’s only one reason why you’d come to the Goddess Tower.”

The Goddess Tower...? Ashe looks around, and damned if he hadn’t taken the door that lead right there. Fate works in strange ways, he supposes. “I... didn’t actually come here on purpose,” he admits. “But, Your- ...Dimitri, please don’t blame yourself. It was my decision to help you all this time.”

“Thank you, Ashe,” Dimitri replies, and his tone is so sincere that Ashe starts to think he’s dreaming. “That’s been a long time coming, but I’m glad that I can say it now.”

Maybe Ashe is having a different kind of hallucination. It’s difficult to reconcile, to see Dimitri change in a single day. But, Ashe just changed in a single moment, too, didn’t he? His resentment had built so strongly against Dimitri when all of his efforts were cast aside, but that one bit of recognition broke the dam and eased his pain. That something so small and so quick can be so powerful... It’s hard to wrap his head around. Then, maybe it’s better to take his time processing this.

“You’re welcome,” Ashe finally answers after a long pause. “I’m... I’m so relieved to have you back.”

Dimitri gives Ashe another handsome smile. “Hey... I have an idea,” he offers. “Why don’t you meet me here again tomorrow night? Right now, both of us should rest, but tomorrow should be different. What do you think?”

“I don’t mind meeting you again, Yo- ...Dimitri, but why here?” Ashe asks.

“I have something I want to show you,” Dimitri replies, the slightest bit of mischief in his voice. “You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ashe agrees. “And... Thank you. I’m sorry for holding so much against you, despite the fact that I was the one who wanted to help.”

Dimitri shakes his head. “Please, don’t apologize, Ashe. I know I was horrible to you, but... Your presence comforted me. Having you at my side kept me calm when everything felt like it was falling apart.”

“You... You did?” Ashe feels warmth fill his cheeks, and he tries to will it away. “I mean... _I_ did?”

Dimitri nods. “I couldn’t find you all day, or else I’d have told you so earlier. I don’t want to know what I would have done without you there with me.”

He... Does he mean that? Is he lying just to please Ashe? Hearing someone say exactly what he wants to hear... It feels wrong. No, things _never_ go this perfectly. Ashe learned not to trust this in the slums. But it _is_ Dimitri... Even when things fall apart, he never lies.

“I’m... glad I could help,” Ashe mumbles. He thinks it best to leave it at that while he mulls over whether or not he can believe all this. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Your Highness.”

“ _Dimitri,_ ” the king replies in a long, drawn-out groan.

“D-Dimitri!” Ashe yelps. “Right, haha... I’ll get used to that one day. I promise.”

“I hope you’ll keep that promise,” Dimitri replies, and with a grand sweep of his cape, he turns to leave the cathedral grounds. Ashe watches for a moment, if only so that they don’t leave together. He doesn’t know if he can walk by his side again so soon.

As night turns to dawn, Ashe barely slips into slumber while the memories of a changing world play over and over in his head. Dimitri... Can he trust that things have changed? If it got better so quickly, won’t it be just as easy to plunge straight back into hell? Ashe doesn’t know if he could take another loss like that. It’s comforting to know that he’s made a difference, but to put himself on the line like that again... He wonders if he could survive it.

Thankfully, Ashe and Dimitri have ample opportunity to rest in the heavily guarded halls of Garreg Mach. They share an awkward meal together, hardly speaking until both of their plates are empty. Dimitri finally breaks the silence by saying, “it isn’t quite as good as yours, if I’m honest.”

Ashe almost chokes, and he wishes he could blame the food. “Ah... You think?”

“I can always tell when you’ve been cooking,” Dimitri replies. “I’m no good at it myself, but I can at least appreciate a good meal.”

“Ah... I’m glad to hear that,” Ashe replies, and they fall silent once more. Dimitri remembers his cooking... So, the night before wasn’t some hopeful dream. Ashe slowly starts to let it sink in, that maybe things really have changed for the better. Maybe it really can be okay.

Night finally falls once again, and Ashe returns to the Goddess Tower just as he promised. He knows exactly what Dimitri alluded to the night before. On the night of the ball, the Goddess’ Rite of Rebirth... That had been a very special moment, just as dreamlike as he feels right now. That night cemented his devotion to Dimitri. He only wishes it hadn’t been tainted by the pain that followed.

After turning the corner to walk the brick road that leads to the Goddess Tower, Ashe eventually spots Dimitri, a speck of black beneath a dot of blonde hair. The closer he draws, the more he questions his eyesight, until Dimitri becomes clear to him. Ashe can hardly believe this, too. Dimitri is in _evening wear_ , not armor and cape as he normally dresses in. Why in the world...?!

“I’m glad you could make it,” Dimitri greets him. “I’m sorry to surprise you like this, but I couldn’t think of a better way to thank you properly.”

“Y-Your... Dimitri,” Ashe chokes out, “you don’t have to do this. I... If I had known, I would have...”

“Please, Ashe,” Dimitri sighs. “I know we’ve spent a long time apart, but I meant what I said back then. To hear you grovel at my feet only brings me grief. I want to be your equal, not some god among men.”

“Your equal...” Ashe stares at the ground. “That must be what this is about. You... want me to be your equal.”

“Yes, that’s what I just said.” Dimitri chuckles, and Ashe’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I admit, I’m not a very gentle man, nor am I any good at navigating matters of the heart. I can’t offer you what you deserve... but, I can show you how I feel in my own way.”

“Then, why bring me out to the Goddess Tower?” Ashe asks. “There are plenty of places where we can talk by ourselves.”

“You’ll have to wait a bit longer,” Dimitri replies. “Say, Ashe, you know how to pick locks, right? Do you have the right tools to do that now?”

“Yes, I...” Ashe shakes his head. “W-Wait, what?! Are you asking me to break into the Goddess Tower?! I’ll be arrested!”

“Arrested by whom?” Dimitri gives him a sly smile. “I’ve ordered the guard to change their perimeter, so you won’t have to worry about that. Not to mention, you’re acting under authority of the king. All I need do is say I think something I lost five years ago might be in there.”

“I... Ah... Umm...” Ashe is out of excuses. Oh, Goddess, forgive him. “All right... Dear Goddess, please don’t curse me for breaking into such a sacred place.”

Dimitri frowns. “If you’d prefer, I can do it. You’ll need to teach me how, though.”

“No, no, that’s all right,” Ashe insists. It makes him a bit uncomfortable, but letting Dimitri take on the curse instead... He doesn’t think he could live with himself. Ashe kneels in front of the door to the Goddess Tower and pulls out his dagger and pick, carefully working them in the lock. Easy does it... Left, right... Ah-hah! Ashe turns the lock open, and the door follows suit. “Got it!”

“Good work!” Dimitri praises. “Now, I’ll only ask one last thing of you. Please, join me at the top.”

“Ah...” Ashe takes a moment to work his tools free, then gnaws at his lip. “Are you sure? Isn’t that...?”

Dimitri holds up a hand to silence Ashe. “If anyone has earned it, it’s you,” he insists. “Please... I want you by my side.”

By his side... That’s the place Ashe wants to be most of all. But the events of the past few months have left him so conflicted. Can they really act as if it had never happened? Ashe hesitates for a while, then nods slowly. “All right,” he mumbles in reply.

This time, the memories of a younger Dimitri aren’t quite as bittersweet. Ashe remembers the last time they scaled the tower together, exhausted and weary from the dance. Everyone had visited the tower long before they climbed it, and they were able to find peace there that the ball didn’t provide either of them. Does Dimitri seek the same peace now?

When they reach the top, Dimitri points to the window and the stars peeking through. “That’s what I wanted to show you,” he whispers. “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen this together.”

“It has,” Ashe admits. He remembers how he felt then, and the hint of a blush creeps beneath his freckles. “...Dimitri... I...” There are so many things he could say, but all of them die before they reach his lips.

Thankfully, Dimitri is eager to fill the silence. “I can never go back to the way I was then,” he admits. “No matter how much I wish I could... And, no matter how much everyone deserves it, especially you.” He lowers his head and sighs. “I was already well on my way to the path of a monster back then... I wish I had confided more in you.”

Ashe shakes his head. “Please, don’t blame yourself,” he begs. “You’ve been through so much... We all have. It’s not your fault.”

Dimitri gives him a tired smile. “Thank you, Ashe,” he replies. “But... I’m tired of blaming everyone else. I need to face my sins and carry my burden, no matter how heavy.”

“Carrying your burden alone is what made you like that in the first place,” Ashe counters. “Dimitri, I’m here! We _all_ are! Please, believe in us when we say we want you to make it out of this all right!”

Dimitri lowers his head in shame. “You’re right... I’m sorry.” He takes a few steps closer to Ashe. “You and the others have always been there for me... I should have acted like it from the start.”

Ashe can’t help but lower his head as well. “I’m probably not one to talk,” he admits. “All this time... I did everything on my own. I should have reached out when I was having trouble.”

“We can’t forget our mistakes, but maybe we can count this as a lesson learned,” Dimitri offers. “I swear to you, and everyone else, I will never take you for granted ever again.”

Ashe smiles and looks back at Dimitri once more. “Then, I’ll swear the same. From now on, I’ll depend on you the same way you depend on me.”

The two share a peaceful silence for a moment, the light of the stars twinkling in their eyes. Neither of them truly know peace, but this... This must be what it feels like. In the company of someone they care about, sharing such tender feelings...

Ah. Ashe’s cheeks light up, and just like that day so long ago, he swallows back his emotions. Knights have no business feeling this way for the ones they protect. Dimitri... He deserves someone better, anyway. Someone far less weak. Maybe Annette? She’s strong, and beautiful. And Ingrid is stronger still, as well as a great friend of his. Dimitri could have a very happy life with either of them. He-

“Ashe.” Dimitri’s voice ends his racing thoughts. “Will you dance with me?”

Ashe feels the shock grip him almost as icily as when he’d been spotted the night before. “I-I, umm... What?” His voice is meek and strangled as he turns to look at Dimitri with wide eyes and red cheeks. “Y-Your Highness, I can’t...!”

“ _Dimitri_ ,” he chides. “You know, you said the exact same thing last time, too.”

Ashe tucks his chin to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I remember... You didn’t want me to act like it was improper.” So, that’s why he chose this place to propose being equals again, is it? “I know that’s what you want, and I know that I should, but I...”

Before Ashe can finish that thought, Dimitri takes his hand, and sets the other on his waist. The touch makes him feel dizzy. “I had to stop you from talking yourself out of it last time, too,” Dimitri whispers.

Ah... Can this really be happening? When Ashe puts his hand on Dimitri’s shoulder, his wrist is tense, like he can’t decide whether or not he should use it to push away. But the impulse to leave slowly gives way to the overwhelming desire to stay, and as Dimitri gently pushes forward, Ashe relaxes into the first step of a waltz. What was the rhythm again? One, two, three, one, two, three, back, left, together... He remembers how unbelievable it was the first time. That he was dancing with a prince, and now he’s dancing with the _king_... Maybe Ashe was cursed that day, for being unworthy. Even now, he feels more like a thief than he ever did with a hand in someone else’s pocket.

Dimitri’s smile is as warm now as it was then. Ashe can tell whatever feelings he has now are no different than the ones he had then. And he, too, thinks the same is true for himself. That pain he felt, the anger that Dimitri had brushed him aside... It was because he had fallen in love, wasn’t it?

Here is where he fell in love, dancing at the top of the Goddess Tower by the light of the stars. Here is where he first felt shame for wishing for the unattainable five years ago.

Ashe is so unfocused that he steps forward too quickly and steps right on Dimitri’s toes. He yelps and stammers as he pulls his foot away. “S-Sorry!”

Dimitri chuckles softly. “I think it would be cruel to point out that you did that last time, too.”

Ashe looks down and grumbles softly. “You just did...”

“Ah...” Dimitri’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. “My apologies.”

Despite the awkwardness that settles between them, they neither continue dancing, nor part. Ashe lowers the hand on Dimitri’s shoulder, but Dimitri responds by wrapping his arm around Ashe’s waist and pulling him closer. It confuses him, and Ashe stares up at Dimitri questioningly. Should he even dare to ask? His heart is beating so fast, it feels like he wouldn’t be able to say anything if he did.

“I’m glad that this hasn’t changed,” Dimitri whispers. “I admit, I... I think I needed this for myself more than I needed to show you. I wanted to know that things hadn’t changed, no matter how much time I had spent as a monster.”

“Oh, Dimitri.” Ashe exhales his name as if he’d been holding his breath for a long time. “If pain made you a monster... I could never hate you for committing the same sins I have, too.”

Dimitri shakes his head. “Anything you felt back then... None of it makes you a monster. You stayed on the true path of justice the entire time. You are... everything I wish I could have been.”

Ashe fights back the urge to cry, hearing such kind words. “I-I’m nothing special,” he insists. “I only did what’s right.”

“You went above and beyond,” Dimitri insists. “And that’s why, I...”

Ashe blinks a few times as he tries to process this. Is Dimitri about to say what he thinks he is? Or... Maybe he’s just projecting. He’s read way too many stories, after all. “Your Highness...”

“Dimitri,” he whispers, and there’s a softness to his tone that Ashe has never heard before. “I want to hear you call me that...”

Ah...? O-Oh, no. This must be... It certainly _sounds_ romantic. Ashe needs to get out of here, quick! N-Not that he doesn’t want this! He just thinks Dimitri deserves better! He needs someone kinder, someone stronger, someone who won’t bend and break and cry like Ashe always does, no matter how hard he trains! What about Fe-? No, that’s a terrible idea. Sylvain? ...Even worse! Uh! Ignatz! Linhardt! Ferdinand! _Anybody!_

Ashe gasps as he feels Dimitri’s nose brush against his own. “There was something I never told you five years ago,” Dimitri whispers. “When I held you like this... I wished so badly that I could kiss you.”

He’s going to cry. Oh, Goddess, the tears have already started. Ashe closes his eyes, hand curling tight into Dimitri’s. “I... I want that, too,” he whimpers. It’s a far cry from the beautiful, romantic speech he always envisioned he’d give Dimitri. Looks like he’s been beaten to it.

“I’m glad,” Dimitri sighs, and Ashe can feel his relief in the breath that tickles across his lips. “Would that be all right, if I kissed you now?”

That question is all the confession Ashe needs. He doesn’t know if this is right, and part of him is still sure it isn’t. Yet, Dimitri said so himself that he wants it. He wants to be together in the way that lovers do. Is it really okay to give in, to give each other what they really want?

...No. Ashe tilts his chin down, gently pushing Dimitri’s forehead away with his own. “A knight can’t subject his liege to ridicule just to indulge his own selfish wants,” he protests. “Dimitri, I’m... beyond flattered, that you feel this way. I think it’s clear that I feel the same, but I can’t...”

“You _can_ ,” Dimitri insists. “Ashe, the whole reason why I kept you in the dark is because I knew you’d try to talk yourself out of it. You and I are both self-sacrificing to a fault, but at least I can admit it.”

Ashe shakes his head. “Please, you’re making a mistake! There’s no good reason to be with me when you could be with anyone else.”

Dimitri’s gaze has a resolve to it that Ashe only sees in battle, but this time, the warmth and kindness is still definitely there. “What better reason is there to be with you than because I love you?”

How... How can he say it so easily? How can he be so sure? Ashe wishes he had half of Dimitri’s courage. And to think, that courage was wasted on him... No, that sort of thinking is the same sort that the one he loves admonished him for mere moments ago. For once, Ashe should just let go, and let fate guide him. “I love you too,” he confesses in a whisper. “Oh, Goddess, Dimitri, I love you more than I can say.”

Dimitri smiles wider and leans back in, without any resistance this time. The hand in Ashe’s pulls away to gently rest on his cheek instead. “Please, don’t fight my feelings anymore,” Dimitri asks. “And don’t fight your own, either. I’ve wanted this for so long... Whatever comes next, I’ll endure it to the bitter end.”

Ashe chokes up before he can speak again. But, he doesn’t really need to speak, does he? They both know what comes next, and neither is willing to wait any longer. Dimitri closes the distance, and their lips finally meet. It’s... different than he expected. Actually, Ashe never had any idea what it would feel like aside from the fanciful words in the stories he’s read. But he never imagined it would feel this warm, never thought his heart would feel like it was exploding over and over again. Dimitri holds him so carefully, so gently... He loves that about him. Goddess, he loves _everything_ about him.

When they part, Ashe is crying, and he’s surprised to find that Dimitri is, too. They both chuckle awkwardly, and after a moment of soft silence, Ashe slips his head free of Dimitri’s hold to rest it on his shoulder. Their arms shift into a gentle embrace, and they stand there under the starlight as they enjoy the moment together.

“No more calling me Your Highness,” Dimitri whispers as he rests his cheek on top of Ashe’s head.

“As you wish, Your Highness,” Ashe teases. He smiles when he hears a dissatisfied grunt. “If I’m to be honest... I don’t really know what to call you now. I don’t know how public we should be about this...”  
  


Dimitri hums softly. “I’ll work with some of my staff and seek their advice,” he decides. “Until then, Dimitri is fine.”

“Dimitri...” Ashe’s smile is almost tired. “I wish I had more words to describe how I feel.”

“Ah... So do I,” Dimitri admits. “Don’t couples give each other nicknames that reflect those feelings?”

Ashe closes his eyes. “I don’t think there’s a word for everything that makes life worth living.”

Dimitri’s face becomes warm, and he pauses for a while before replying. “There is,” he answers. “And that word is Ashe.”

Damn, that was smooth. Ashe is a little impressed. But something about it sounds suspiciously like... “Ah... You got that line from Sylvain, didn’t you?”

The pause this time is a lot less romantic. “Yes.”

They chuckle together for a while, and when the laughter leaves their systems, they fall into comfortable silence again. Here, at the top of the Goddess Tower, is where their love took form. Ashe is so, so glad that Dimitri brought him here. He’s so thankful that they met, so thankful for the chances they were given. War has taken so much, given them scars that will last until they pass on, but this is the one thing they were given amidst all the chaos. Some parts of them that have broken will never be whole again, but maybe they can make something beautiful out of the pieces. Ashe swears in that moment to walk by Dimitri’s side forever, until the pieces form a beautiful sculpture that show his love in ways that words cannot.


End file.
